Daydream believer

I've often told my children that if they learn to wait with grace and patience, they'll be much happier people.

Delays and waiting are a big part of life, and if you can accept that, you'll spend less time frustrated and annoyed.

In America, people use down time to complain or make phone calls, send texts, catch up on reading, respond to e-mails, knit, or do a bit of work.

I tend to daydream, and this puts me in the minority.

I look at the carefully composed public faces of the people around me and wonder about their lives and what they're thinking. Who's happy? Who had a fight with their spouse? Who is thinking about sex? Who is making a mental list? Who is wishing they were somewhere else? Who is solving a complicated problem? Who's worried? Who is carrying a heavy burden? Who's thinking about their children? Who had a good time last night? Who has plans for the weekend? Who's nursing a secret hurt or grudge?

Sometimes I'll focus on details in the room or in the landscape: the way the light hits objects, the shape and form of them, their true colors, how they cast shadows. I imagine how an artist would render a scene or how I'd set it up as a writer.

Maybe it's a sign of my age, but I often revisit the past in quiet moments. I'll walk through old rooms and remember what was in them and visualize the people that once lived there: the way they held a cup or chewed their food, the sound of their voice and their laughter, the shape and feel of their hands, the way their eyelashes looked when they lowered their eyes, the feel of their bodies, the lay of the hair on the nape of their necks, the way they occupied a chair or walked down a hallway.

In some situations, I summon absent friends and imagine the conversation we'd be having if they were with me. What would we talk about? Would we be loud or quiet, serious or laughing?

Other times I think. I pray. I appreciate. I regret. I analyze. I untangle. I let go. I wonder. I anticipate. Or I simply breathe and exist and zone out.

My point is that I rarely *do* anything while waiting. My lack of productivity makes me something of a radical in over-achieving America. My uber-efficient, multi-tasking husband is a constant reminder of what I could accomplish if I had his energy, focus, and will.

Actually, I used to have his energy, focus, and will. I'm not sure if that made me a better person, it just made me a different one than I am now. It produced results and credentials. It earned me recognition.

My ability to stay calm, to wait, to accept delays, to just *be* has its advantages. I'm the rock others lean on. Because I'm not constantly preoccupied with being or staying "busy," I'm emotionally and physically available to my family and my friends. I'm in touch with what's going on with the people in my life, I'm free and willing to listen, I can simply be with them and share a meal, a moment, a task, a conversation, a laugh, an idea.

It's a small gift--and it's a huge gift. Often it's all I have to give. Sometimes that's everything, and sometimes that's merely enough.

Comments

[LilianP]

This is what makes you so interesting...and so rare. That is why I keep coming back here. There is no lasting joy in hyper-consumption and hyper-activity. There is everything between anguish and ecstasy in quietly using all senses to take in life – all life. At the end you can say you have really been here. So many cannot.

[simon]

I used to have to use every spare minute to read. Now, even though I have less reading time than I used to, I'm often happy to just sit and look around, even on long-haul journeys.

[Granola-grrrl]

I wonder if that runs in families too? I am the same way. Although there are plenty of opportunities to wait around, I can't ever recall being *bored*. I've known people who always have the TV or radio on, and as I've watched them over time, it has seemed that they do it because they are afraid of the silence and where their minds might go if not kept busy with noise. I also find that times of just being have helped me tune in to those around me at a level I never knew existed, and I can now often pick up a friend's or family member's subtle mood change, sometimes before they're even aware of it themselves. Which also ties into what you said about being available to listen and really *hearing* what people have to say.

I love how you expressed this. It gives me something else to think about the next time I have a few minutes of free time :)

[Nance]

I can do nothing very easily,especially in the summer when I am off school and not teaching or planning. My backyard is very tranquil during the day when most other people are at work. During the school year, when I am bombarded by noisy voices and now, when my school is also an active construction site, the sound of heavy equipment, I don't even come home and put on the television or talk to anyone until I've had at least an hour of quiet. I sometimes feel guilty when I'm not doing something during this time--like folding laundry or sorting mail or unloading the dishwasher--but I remind myself that I need the time. It is hard-won.

[schmutzie]

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http://www.schmutzie.com/fivestarfriday/2010/3/26/five-star-fridays-big-fat-edition-96.html

[Chris]

I find it difficult to give myself permission to be in my thoughts, even though I know it's healthy and often where I need to be. I have one foot in "look what needs to be done" [because there's always something], and one foot in "allow yourself to ponder", when I find myself in a time of pause. Your post encourages me to find the "calm" and let go of the "busy" a little more. Thank you for the permission. I needed it.