Fill me up

I avoid the mall, and when circumstances force me to go, I return home deflated--as if all the life has been sucked out of me. This feeling persists whether I have had a "successful" shopping trip or not.

I know women who love to shop at the mall, who get giddy at the thought of it, who become energized and excited as they move from store to store. Not me. Trips to the mall are like trips to the dentist or the gynecologist, a necessity, not a pleasure.

Why is that?

When I go to the mall, I feel like a woman being offered empty words by a charming lover. Every display promises to make me happy, beautiful, fashionable, new and improved.  Oh, I want to believe clothes, shoes, cosmetics, and accessories can do that, but in my heart I know better. I have been jilted so many times.

Like a child who has discovered there is no Santa Claus, I have found that there is no magic cure for being overweight and middle aged.  Fabulous fashons will not make me look fabulous or feel fabulous. There is no brand or quantity of face cream or body lotion that will transform me at this stage. If anything, they make me feel worse, acutely aware of all the years have stripped away and all I never had in the first place. The mall reminds of my limits, of all that I can't change.

But art stores and galleries have the opposite effect. I stroll through them and see potential. They are pregnant with possibility and make me focus on Becoming. They remind me of the value of unique perspectives, of sharing a visual experience, of attempting to express the unexpressed, of capturing something elusive. They convey the joy of process and product, of journey and destination, of something given and something received.

I leave them feeling happy, hopeful, inspired and appreciative of the creative impulse that pushes us to take our hidden passions, emotions, and visions and channel them outward. They remind me that in every age and stage of life, we all have something to offer the world.

Comments

[simon]

Pretty much the only shops I like are bookshops, but I have mixed feelings about even those. All the possibilities, all the wonderful books I'd love to read, but I barely have time to read everything sitting on my shelves at home, and if I do cave in and buy something it's with a bittersweet mixture of joy and guilt.

[V-Grrrl]

I understand about the book stores. I'm a slow reader and novels take me forever to get through. I end up buying how-to art books at book stores. I actually own "Acrylic Painting for Dummies" ha ha ha. I have lots of books on mixed media techniques too.

[Nance]

I'm not a shopper, either, and malls are terrible places anyway. I always feel aimless and overwhelmed there, like everyone else has a master plan and limitless cash...and then there is ME. I avoid "shopping" until it becomes "buying"--I have to go with a certain, specific item in mind. And even then, that is usually a problem because I know exactly what I want, and chances are it doesn't exist. OR...if it does, I don't want to pay what they think I should.

Can you imagine the two of us on a mission at a mall? Yikes.

[Slow Panic]

If I'm in the right mood I love shopping at a mall -- but I like to go by myself so when I'm done I can be done.

I think I still like it because I only go two or three times a year. Definitely not a hobby of mine.

[Tonya]

Malls - DISLIKE them. I like online shopping, but sometimes ya gotta go to a store! Luckily, my kids are still young enough I can dress them w/ hand me downs and thrift store finds.

[Jack]

Sometimes I go to the mall for inspiration for posts. It is a great place for people watching. But can't say that I am a big fan of it for much else.

[V-Grrrl]

I love airports for people watching. My absolute fave.

[Lynn]

I also hate the mall and find it exhausting. I hate shopping for clothes and shoes but I do still enjoy bookstores... Art stores are very intimidating to me, I really don't have any idea how to get started on any artistic endeavors.

[Cindy]

Hi, I just came accross your blog today. I enjoyed this post. I was beginning to think I was the only one out there, especially as a woman, that hated the mall, felt drained and unfullfilled when I leave. I understand now what it is. I love thrift stores and etsy. That is where I shop and get inspired!