Those we pair off with

"a relationship is an impossible thing to put into words."

Bon says this is why we seldom write about our spouses or life partners, and I agree. Ironically, it's easier to write about when things aren't right between us. Sadly, all relationships seems to fail in much the same way. Everyone can relate to being hurt, feeling ignored or abandoned, the reality of betrayal, distance, lack of connection, and the mundane disagreements over who does what, when, and how. We all understand what's meant by "irreconcilable differences."

But describing how a relationship works, what you get out of it and what it means to you is infinitely more difficult. The older I get, the more I can see that every marriage is negotiated and re-negotiated over the years. It exists on its own terms, terms that often can't be understood by the outside observer, terms that change and evolve.

Bon has started #thehomeproject and invited others to join her. Every Monday, she will attempt to document some aspect of her relationship with her husband.  She will do this for a year.  I know I can't commit to it for that long. I'm not even sure I can commit to next Monday. 

But I have been committed to E for more than 30 years, and that commitment is something that is renewed every morning when I get up and live the life we've made together, every time I've chosen to point my heart home to the place where he is.

Before he was husband, life partner and father of my children, he was simply a cute boy I met at the track. A tanned, blue-eyed, blonde-haired, broad-shouldered All-American guy. A guy who always called when he said he would and often called when he said he wouldn't, just because he couldn't bear not to talk to me.

A week after we met, he said, "I don't know what I've been looking for all my life, but I know you are the closest I've ever come to finding it."

I thought it might be a line, carefully calculated and delivered to accelerate "progress" in our relationship.

But it wasn't.

For him, it was the truth and he dared to say it out loud. From the very beginning, he saw us as a pair.

Art and text copyright 2011 Veronica McCabe Deschambault. Do not cut, copy, paste.

Comments

[Erin]

V- I love the art and I love how you describe E. and how you renew your commitment to him "every morning when I get up and live the life we've made together, every time I've chosen to point my heart home to the place where he is." It's beautiful and inspiring. Facing D's parents separation and all the misunderstandings that have come from outsiders, as well as the questions and concerns it has raised as we face our own weaknesses in our own marriage, this topic hits home. I am interested to follow where this goes...

[Jennifer]

You are lucky to have found your person, as he is to have found you. (Have I told you how talented I think you are? Love your words, love your art.)

[Granola-grrrl]

This is an interesting topic indeed, and I too would like to see where it goes. I love the phrase, "...[choose] to point my heart home to the place where he is." It implies both intention and determination. The art is beautiful. Simple and luminous, and the subjects seem held and protected by the light.

[Kim Nelson]

Your story could be mine and mine could be yours and the world goes round and round...
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE the art. Absolutely love it!!

[Kim Nelson]

You inspire me, V.I might have to paint me some pears!

[V-Grrrl]

Thanks all.

And Kim, go paint your pears!

[Jack]

Relationships are exceptionally complicated and I often wonder if there is any way to really describe them to those who are not a part of it.

[V-Grrrl]

Jack, I think this is sometimes why we try to capture them in fiction, photography, art, poetry, songs. It's a way of conveying the emotion or essence of something.

[Neil]

Really like this a lot, especially the artwork.

[J]

What a lovely post. I'm not sure I want to write for a year about my marriage, even once a week. Like you said, a marriage is personal, and people don't always understand. I could gripe about petty things, like how my husband leaves lights on and doesn't know how to pack a dishwasher properly (to my standards at least). I could brag about how he gave me tickets to see a show I wanted to see, with a girlfriend, and had dinner ready when we got home. The reality is in the middle. We bug each other sometimes. We love each other always. That's kind of marriage. A good one, I guess.

[V-Grrrl]

J, I doubt I'll have something to write every week, but maybe I'll post art, a photo, or a poem. Something that tells a piece of the story or evokes how it feels for me.

[Bon]

love those pears.

i wonder if i'll be able to do it for a year, too. not because i will run out of things to document, but because i suspect i'll bump into places i don't want to go.

still.

thanks for adding to the chorus of #thehomeproject.

[slouchy]

beautiful, v. and a beautiful relationship, too.

[Chris]

I'm echoing what everyone has already said, but your words are not only beautiful, they're sweet. The entire scene I have in my mind is sweet. The art is wonderful. I have two pears on a display in my kitchen... similar sentiment.

[Shirley @ gfe]

Beautifully written, V, and those pears are just fabulous. No need to buy a sexy pair painting (as you mentioned in a previous post long ago and we happened to see on an outing shortly thereafter) when you can produce pear art like that!

Shirley